Shanglows

You know when it's tough to live in Shanghai?  When you wake up needing the kind of day where you quietly go about your tasks, listening to your iPod and, should you feel ambitious enough to cook, reflecting about what you might make for dinner later.

It's all fine if you can spend the day at home watching Seasons 1-5 of Project Runway.  (Oh, it's happened.)  But when you have stuff to do, there's just no way to do it without getting sucked in by the city's frantic pace.  I'm talking about an end-of-the-conveyer-belt-into-the-slaughterhouse kind of atmosphere.  There's noise.  There are people.  There are people's elbows.

Here are the two things that put me over the edge, and by "over," I mean, "in need of," and by "the edge," I mean "an ice cream cone to bring me down":

1.  Yup, I speak Chinese.  I went shopping for Christmas wrapping paper down on Fuzhou Lu.   

ME:  [in Mandarin] Hi, how much is this coloured crepe paper? 
VENDOR:  Three kuai [RMB].
ME:  Oh... hmm - [about to explain that I usually buy it for one kuai - which is true - but will offer him one-fifty]   
VENDOR:   [to other salesperson]: Stupid foreigners.  You can charge them anything.
ME:  I can understand everything you're saying.
VENDOR:  [ignoring me and holding up three fingers.  In English:]  TREE!  TREEEE! 
ME: [still in Mandarin]  Forget it.

2.  Um... thank you?  I took my usual Line 2 back home, crushed against a pole by the rush-hour crowd.  These women were so intimately close to my body that when they spoke, I could feel the condensation from their breath on my neck. 

WOMAN 1: This foreigner's scarf is a strange colour.  [It's mustardy yellow]
WOMAN 2: Yes.  It makes her skin look worse.
WOMAN 1: But she is nice and pale.


Let it be known that Baskin Robbins' Cookies 'n' Cream ice cream is as effective a sedative as any.  And now, back to Project Runway.

Lessons in yeast

Just another normal day on Claire's kitchen counter.  Got my rice cooker over there, my O.J., my ginger tea, my favourite cat coaster, and - oh, that?  THAT'S what happens when you put bread dough in the fridge overnight with naive plans to roll it out into cinnamon buns the next day.

Apparently even the highest-quality Tupperware - and I make no compromises when it comes to container quality - is no match for dough determined to make its second rise.  Well.  I've learned.

I was GOING to save the debut of my newest domestic skill - bread-making! - for when I'd made my first perfectly-formed loaf.  But you know what?  The Internet is full of intimidatingly flawless DIY baking/crafting projects, and I'm pretty sure the road to those gorgeous cupcakes and yak-yarn iPod snugglies was paved with... well, things that looked like my first loaf of bread: 

But you know what?  It might be crooked with a gaping air hole in the middle, and the crust might be marred by two burn lines from my toaster oven's top elements, but that bread is freaking DELICIOUS.  And it was practically free.  Ugly wins!

Recipe here - but reduce sugar, boost salt, IMHO.

Update on sad-sack sickness: thanks in no small part to all the Get-Well lovin' I received electronically, my gross cold is now only a cough!  Hooray!  I sound like a baby seal with SARS, but I can retire the hankies.  Thank you for all your kind emails.

Siiiiiick. Blegh.

Healthy readers,

Today is my third day in bed after being struck full-force by the angry fist of The Worst Cold In The World.  Delicate sniffles?  Soft Victorian coughs?  Nope.  Half-closed, red, puffy eyes?  Maximum-velocity sneezing that makes my head snap back?  Exhaustion of my ENTIRE supply and back-up supply of hankies?  That's more like it.

But you know what's great about being sick?  Having full license to watch total,  unadulterated, crap on DVD.  Yayyy!  I have so far viewed, or at least had playing in the background while I passed out open-mouthed: Eclipse, The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and Bride Wars.  I also threw in some Curb Your Enthusiasm (which has ironic humour) but only because I ran out of Gossip Girl.

Now.  A few boiled dumplings, some ginger tea, and back to bed I go.  Please beam immune system virtual boosters!


(No photos today - there's nothing you want to see here, I promise.)

It had to happen sometime:

the ubiquitous "Funny Chinese Signs" post. Hey, I'm not making fun of anyone for messing up a foreign langauge; God knows how many Western lower backs are tattooed with "cow" or "cultural appropriater," not "strength" or "harmony." But these Shanghai signs were too good not to share, and I think you'll agree that the best ones are actually due to the visuals, not the written content.

Update on me: I lost my wallet last night (no, NO!) and with it, my local and foreign bank cards, my student ID, my health insurance card, and the best passport photo of myself that has ever and will ever be taken. (It's for my own good, it was making me vain.) But my Matt & Nat wallet? Low blow. I'm pretty sure it dropped onto the floor at Starbucks, where someone scored it before I realized it was gone. I feel like an idiot.

Good news: Lindt chocolate bars are on sale at my grocery store for Y9.99 ($1.82 ). Hoardhoardhoard!

Photos:

1. This culinary delicacy is available a mere half-block away from my apartment
2. Fine print: *manky baby costumes may compromise cuteness*
3. Not sure how "Chunk Fun" got past the Lipton PR team
4. Prado Frappuccinos to follow
5. Erm.. hard to know. Points for cute diaper icon

PS. Does everyone know you can make the photos bigger by clicking on them?

Discupcakeaster

Not to be down on my oven, but something's going very wrong with my trusty six-minute cupcakes. Total failed batches now = 3. The first one was no mystery: I accidentally used vinegar concentrate instead of vinegar (oh NO). But last night's two? What is going ON? I'm desperate for tiny chocolate cakes and all I get are overdense, weird aftertasty dough lumps! Any suggestions?

See below for the saddest pic in the world. My sole consolation is that the cupcake wrappers match my wastebasket.